Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of  the night. Mick, the bartender, says "You'll not be drinking any  more tonight, Paddy."

Paddy replies "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then". Paddy spins around  on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. "What  the..." he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts  himself off.

He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face again.  "Damn!" he says.

He looks to the doorway and thinks that if he can just get to the  door and get some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the  door and shimmies up the door frame. He sticks his head outside and  takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a  step out onto the pavement and falls flat on his face.

"B'Jesus... I'm soused," he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and decides to try for  it. He crawls down the street and shimmies up the door frame, opens  the door and looks inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says,  "No flappin' way."

But he somehow crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and thinks,  "I think I can make it to the bed." He takes a step into the room  and falls flat on his face again He says, "This is hell. I gotta  stop drinking," but manages to crawl to the bed and fall in.

The next morning, his wife comes into the room carrying a cup of  coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last  night?" Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was totally smashed. But how'd  you know?"

"Mick called.. You left your wheelchair at the pub."